Le Musée des Faux-Arts

I had never published an article with the phrase "plastic vomit" until I got the chance to profile artist and art conservator A. Clarke Bedford for the Washington City Paper

Went to see the panda

Tai Shan


Tai Shan


Mei Xiang and Tai Shan


Mei Xiang and Tai Shan

Work by famous Mazmanians

Mazmanian Mania-Depression Mood Scale

Manic Delirium: 5

1. Altered Consciousness
2. Hallucinations, incoherent, or disorganized Speech
3. Disoriented

Manic Out of Control: 4

1. Crying, Unreasonable, Screaming
2. Flight of Ideas
3. Grandiose delusions
4. Hallucinations
5. Swearing, threatening or Lashing out
6. No Need of sleep

Overactive, Disinhibited: 3

1. Very expansive
2. Poor concentration, Pressured speech, Grandiose
3. Quickened pace, Disinhibited, Decreased decorum
4. Little need for sleep

Agitated loud: 2

1. Elevated mood, Inflated self esteem, Expansive
2. Apprehensive, Unwarranted optimism, Overconfident
3. Active, Verbally loud
4. Less need for sleep

Irritable, Aroused: 1

1. Short-tempered, Mild mood elevation, Guarded attitude
2. Distractible, Confident, Optimistic
3. Guarded body language

Euthymic: 0

1. Appropriate mood, No suicidal thoughts
2. Normal speech, Normal thought, Guilt absent
3. No anxiety
4. No sleep difficulties, No somatic complaints

Withdrawn quiet: -1

1. Mildly depressed, Loss of satisfaction, Feels weak
2. Slight retardation, Self-reproach, Altered eating
3. Slightly withdrawn, Slight tension, Fidgety, Irritable
4. Minor somatic complaints, Fatigued, Restless sleep

Mild Depression: -2

1. Looks sad
2. Obvious retardation, Pessimistic
3. Avoids others, Minimal responses, Worried
4. Plays with hands or hair
5. Frequency somatic complaints

Moderate Depression: -3

1. Apprehensive, Hopeless, Suicide plan
2. Poor concentration, Obsessive guilt
3. Isolates self, Lethargic, Non-functional
4. Somatic preoccupation, Major sleep difficulty

Severe Depression: -4

1. Extremely hopeless, Serious Suicide attempt
2. Delusional guilt, Unable to concentrate
3. No activities, Severe agitation
4. Somatic delusions, Unable to sleep despite medications

Depressive Stupor: -5

1. Emotional paralysis
2. Accusatory hallucinations
3. Stupor or mute

Mr. M's Neighborhood: An intersection

5th St. NE and Florida Avenue, looking northwest

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Area Sermons, No. 1

Corner of 5th Street and Pennsylvania Avenue SE

Mr. M's Neighborhood: An alley

Alley off 5th St. NE between L and M Streets, looking east, Northeast Washington, DC.

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Beyond frog and toad

There is a truck for a local food distributor decorated with a panel of a giant beet-red (and therefore cooked, and therefore dead) lobster standing on its tail with its eyes on stalks aglow and smiling and with his giant (and un-banded) claws around a chicken and a cow. Both creatures are painted as being about the same size and slightly smaller than the lobster.

It is clear from the scene that all three are dear friends.

I am told also that once the truck only depicted a lobster and a chicken, and that the cow was only added when the company began distributing beef.

It is highly possible that the person who told me this is fucking with me.

The truck rumbles daily down 11th St. One day I will get a picture.