Tuesday, February 06, 2007

It isn't you. It's F.W. Thomas.


F.W. Thomas is getting the band back together for one blow-out gig. On Monday Feb. 12, just hours before the outbreak of Valentine's Day, you are invited to pay money to attend: The F.W. Thomas Performances: The Breakup Episode, featuring the art of Mike Lowery, the words of Matthew Summers-Sparks, the music of the great Gino Madrid, and, if we can get our shit together, the WORLD'S FIRST-EVER BREAKUP SLAM, in which audience participants, pre-screened by volunteer snake wranglers, will share woefully hilarious tales of romance gone awry.

Read more at the F.W. Thomas blog.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Imagined letters to Will Shortz, crossword editor, #3

Will Shortz
Crossword editor
New York Times
229 W. 43rd St.
New York, New York

RE: Puzzle 0205, Clue 15-A - "Singers Ochs and Collins"

Dear Mr. Shortz:

Dude, let me rest in peace.

Yrs,
Phil Ochs

Sunday, February 04, 2007

What I Learned on "Meet the Press"


NBC's Tim Russert knows what a fluffernutter is. Presidential candidate John Edwards does not.

Russert flashed the following quote from Sen. Joe Biden's interview with the New York Observer on-screen to get Edwards' reaction:
John Edwards wants you and all the Democrats to think, ‘I want us out of there,’ but when you come back and you say, ‘O.K., John’...what about the chaos that will ensue? Do we have any interest, John, left in the region?’ Well, John will have to answer yes or no. If he says yes, what are they? What are those interests, John? How do you protect those interests, John, if you are completely withdrawn? Are you withdrawn from the region, John? Are you withdrawn from Iraq, John? In what period? So all this stuff is like so much Fluffernutter out there. So for me, what I think you have to do is have a strategic notion. And they may have it—they are just smart enough not to enunciate it.
Then the following exchange took place:

SEN. EDWARDS: Fluffernutter, huh?
MR. RUSSERT: Did you ever have one?

Edwards sidestepped that critical question to address the substance of Biden's remarks.

In case you were wondering, a fluffernutter is a regional treat that is a familiar school lunch item for New Englanders. It is a sandwich of Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter on white bread. Marshmallow Fluff is a creamy spread made from corn syrup, sugar syrup, vanilla and egg white and manufactured by the Durkee-Mower company of Lynn, Mass.

How Biden and Russert know about the fluffernutter is something of a mystery. According to their respective bios, neither went to school or held a job in New England. The sandwich made a brief appearance in the news last year when a Massachusetts legislator moved to ban the sandwich from public school cafeterias because of its negligible nutritional value, but other than that, the fluffernutter has maintained a modest national profile.