It isn't you. It's F.W. Thomas.

F.W. Thomas is getting the band back together for one blow-out gig. On Monday Feb. 12, just hours before the outbreak of Valentine's Day, you are invited to pay money to attend: The F.W. Thomas Performances: The Breakup Episode, featuring the art of Mike Lowery, the words of Matthew Summers-Sparks, the music of the great Gino Madrid, and, if we can get our shit together, the WORLD'S FIRST-EVER BREAKUP SLAM, in which audience participants, pre-screened by volunteer snake wranglers, will share woefully hilarious tales of romance gone awry.

Read more at the F.W. Thomas blog.

The return of Mr. Thomas

Stoppable though my blogging skills may be, I have indeed returned for the purpose of publicizing the next appearance of Mr. F.W. Thomas on the Washington D.C. stage. The wildly funny singer songwriter Jonathan Coulton will be in attendance. You may learn about it here.

In addition to plumping the September F.W. Thomas Performances, it may interest you to learn that in October, the evening's doing will be taken over by author, commentator, comedian and actual computing device John Hodgman, as part of his tour for the paper-back installation of his wildly successful almanac and knowledge compendium, The Areas of My Expertise. Click here for a rundown of Mr. Hodgman's tour.

Finally we will catch our breath in November, secure in the knowledge that the coattails of the aforementioned talents will lend both credibility and audience to our timid but sincere efforts, and present another program of homegrown and imported talent the likes of which is rarely, if ever, assembled on a single stage.

If it isn't Mister Thomas

Mr. F.W. Thomas (deceased) is making a return appearance at the Warehouse Theater on Monday June 12 at 7:30PM.

See writer Andrew Beaujon, singer and guitar-man Josh McIlvain (aka "The Sex Cop"), FWT artist-in-residence T.M. Lowery and humorist Matthew Summers-Sparks all on a single bill for the criminally low price of $3 (U.S.).

Visit the F.W. Thomas Performances Web site and blog for details.

Mr. Thomas Returns May 15

Second Inaugural

Thank you for your attention. It is time for the Second Inaugural Edition of the F.W. Thomas Performances, being a monthly literary variety show featuring live presentations from area writers, artists and musicians.

The event is being held in the Main Stage at the Warehouse Theater on Monday May 15 at 7:30PM. Admission is $3. The Warehouse Theater is located at 1017-1021 7th Street NW. It is a short walk from the Chinatown/Gallery Place Metro. Phone is 202 783 3933.

The May event will feature:

• Louis Bayard, author of the forthcoming novel, "The Pale Blue Eye," and a contributor of reviews and essays to New York Times, the Washington Post and the Washington City Paper, reading from his new book.
  
  
• A. Clarke Bedford, artist and art conservator at the Hirshhorn Museum, presenting excerpts from "William Tecumseh Sherman & The Venus of Willendorf: The Suburban Years."
  
  
• Frederic Frommer, reporter for the Associated Press and author of "The Washington Nationals: 1859 to Today," discussing the history of Negro League baseball in the nation's capital.
  
  
• T.M. Lowery, F.W. Thomas artist-in-residence and creator of the Skeleton Kids, presenting new work.
  
  
• James S. Rosen, Fox News Correspondent and author of the forthcoming "The Strong Man: John Mitchell, Nixon and Watergate" will reveal for the first time ever, the secret files of the Planet of the Apes.
  

The F.W. Thomas Performances will be hosted and introduced by yours truly, Adam Mazmanian, a writer living in D.C. and a contributor to the Washington City Paper.

Keep tabs on Mr. Thomas with a visit to his blog.

Mr. Thomas Has Arrived

My fellow Apologists, consider yourselves invited to an upcoming reading and performance event hosted by yours truly on April 10, 2006 at 7:30PM at the Warehouse Theater.

The F.W. Thomas Performances are planned as a monthly performance series. More info is available here, on Mr. Thomas' blog.