Sunday, January 15, 2006

Imagined letters to Will Shortz, crossword editor

Will Shortz
Crossword editor
New York Times
229 W. 43rd St.
New York, New York

Dear Mr. Shortz:

In the Jan. 11 crossword puzzle, 13-across seeks a five-letter answer for the clue "Ragu rival." In the context of the puzzle, the answer is Prego. In truth, Prego is so far superior to Ragu that to call them rivals is to elevate one and belittle the other to such an extent that I am forced to conclude that either you have never tried Prego's Four-Cheese or Chunky Vegetable varieties, or else you are surreptitiously advertising for Ragu.

Which is it, sir? Ignoramus or shill?

I await, with growing anxiety, your reply.

Yrs, etc.

Douglas R. Conant
President and Chief Executive Officer
Campbell Soup Company

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