Outsource House: A crew of twenty-something computer geeks move to Bangalore and live and work in a wired group house. "Real World"-style confessionals feature wi-fi disputes; seething man-crushes.
Miss-anthrope: A nationwide competition among high school senior girls to find America's most obnoxious, self-centered teen queen.
Paris Commune: Paris Hilton moves into a self-sufficient back-to-the-land farming commune and whines about the total lack of amentities. Hilarity ensues.
*executive producer credit to: "Public Apology"
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
I Optimistically Open E-Mails From the Following, But I Know Deep Down, it's Just Spam
Chloe
Clare/Claire
Daphne/Daphnae
Holly
Sophie
Tai Shan
Clare/Claire
Daphne/Daphnae
Holly
Sophie
Tai Shan
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Working Titles Of Songs For My Musical Based On the Hit Series "Alice"
Yes, Diane Ladd Really Played the Slutty Waitress After the Original Flo Quit
The Time that Telly Savalas Showed Up and Broke Plates
The One With George Burns
Alice's Son Tommy, Played by Philip McKeon, Is the Real-Life Brother of Nancy, Who Was Jo on "Facts of Life"
Mel's Lament (The Pickup)
The Time that Telly Savalas Showed Up and Broke Plates
The One With George Burns
Alice's Son Tommy, Played by Philip McKeon, Is the Real-Life Brother of Nancy, Who Was Jo on "Facts of Life"
Mel's Lament (The Pickup)
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Imagined letters to Will Shortz, crossword editor
Will Shortz
Crossword editor
New York Times
229 W. 43rd St.
New York, New York
Dear Mr. Shortz:
In the Jan. 11 crossword puzzle, 13-across seeks a five-letter answer for the clue "Ragu rival." In the context of the puzzle, the answer is Prego. In truth, Prego is so far superior to Ragu that to call them rivals is to elevate one and belittle the other to such an extent that I am forced to conclude that either you have never tried Prego's Four-Cheese or Chunky Vegetable varieties, or else you are surreptitiously advertising for Ragu.
Which is it, sir? Ignoramus or shill?
I await, with growing anxiety, your reply.
Yrs, etc.
Douglas R. Conant
President and Chief Executive Officer
Campbell Soup Company
Crossword editor
New York Times
229 W. 43rd St.
New York, New York
Dear Mr. Shortz:
In the Jan. 11 crossword puzzle, 13-across seeks a five-letter answer for the clue "Ragu rival." In the context of the puzzle, the answer is Prego. In truth, Prego is so far superior to Ragu that to call them rivals is to elevate one and belittle the other to such an extent that I am forced to conclude that either you have never tried Prego's Four-Cheese or Chunky Vegetable varieties, or else you are surreptitiously advertising for Ragu.
Which is it, sir? Ignoramus or shill?
I await, with growing anxiety, your reply.
Yrs, etc.
Douglas R. Conant
President and Chief Executive Officer
Campbell Soup Company
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Remembering Pearl Harbor
This is the day I get to tell my favorite joke in all the world:
Did you hear about the guy who was half-Japanese and half-Jewish?
Every December 7, he bombed Pearl Schwartz.
Did you hear about the guy who was half-Japanese and half-Jewish?
Every December 7, he bombed Pearl Schwartz.
Friday, October 14, 2005
What's for lunch in... Brockton, Mass.
Baked Macaroni & Cheese
Small garden Salad
Buffalo Chicken Drummie
Fresh Roll
Chocolate Brownie
Milk
Small garden Salad
Buffalo Chicken Drummie
Fresh Roll
Chocolate Brownie
Milk