Mr. Thomas Has Arrived

My fellow Apologists, consider yourselves invited to an upcoming reading and performance event hosted by yours truly on April 10, 2006 at 7:30PM at the Warehouse Theater.

The F.W. Thomas Performances are planned as a monthly performance series. More info is available here, on Mr. Thomas' blog.

Imagined letters to Will Shortz, crossword editor, #2

Will Shortz
Crossword editor
New York Times
229 W. 43rd St.
New York, New York

Dear Mr. Shortz:

I am writing to take exception to clue 29-down in your puzzle of Mar. 20, 2006. The clue, "Self-proclaimed psychic Geller" yields the answer Uri. Heretofore, in the innumerable times I have been referenced in your puzzles, the clue has been "mentalist Geller." Why the change? I am as powerful as ever. No spoon has been made by man that can not be bent by my uncanny abilities. The downgrade in your pages strikes me as unfeeling and a bit gratuitious.

Perhaps we can discuss over coffee.

Yours truly,

Uri Geller
Mentalist

Krash test

This week I have a Washington City Paper feature on DC composer Jessica Krash.

The H Street Bridge: Criticism & Response

Le Musée des Faux-Arts

I had never published an article with the phrase "plastic vomit" until I got the chance to profile artist and art conservator A. Clarke Bedford for the Washington City Paper

Went to see the panda

Tai Shan


Tai Shan


Mei Xiang and Tai Shan


Mei Xiang and Tai Shan

Work by famous Mazmanians

Mazmanian Mania-Depression Mood Scale

Manic Delirium: 5

1. Altered Consciousness
2. Hallucinations, incoherent, or disorganized Speech
3. Disoriented

Manic Out of Control: 4

1. Crying, Unreasonable, Screaming
2. Flight of Ideas
3. Grandiose delusions
4. Hallucinations
5. Swearing, threatening or Lashing out
6. No Need of sleep

Overactive, Disinhibited: 3

1. Very expansive
2. Poor concentration, Pressured speech, Grandiose
3. Quickened pace, Disinhibited, Decreased decorum
4. Little need for sleep

Agitated loud: 2

1. Elevated mood, Inflated self esteem, Expansive
2. Apprehensive, Unwarranted optimism, Overconfident
3. Active, Verbally loud
4. Less need for sleep

Irritable, Aroused: 1

1. Short-tempered, Mild mood elevation, Guarded attitude
2. Distractible, Confident, Optimistic
3. Guarded body language

Euthymic: 0

1. Appropriate mood, No suicidal thoughts
2. Normal speech, Normal thought, Guilt absent
3. No anxiety
4. No sleep difficulties, No somatic complaints

Withdrawn quiet: -1

1. Mildly depressed, Loss of satisfaction, Feels weak
2. Slight retardation, Self-reproach, Altered eating
3. Slightly withdrawn, Slight tension, Fidgety, Irritable
4. Minor somatic complaints, Fatigued, Restless sleep

Mild Depression: -2

1. Looks sad
2. Obvious retardation, Pessimistic
3. Avoids others, Minimal responses, Worried
4. Plays with hands or hair
5. Frequency somatic complaints

Moderate Depression: -3

1. Apprehensive, Hopeless, Suicide plan
2. Poor concentration, Obsessive guilt
3. Isolates self, Lethargic, Non-functional
4. Somatic preoccupation, Major sleep difficulty

Severe Depression: -4

1. Extremely hopeless, Serious Suicide attempt
2. Delusional guilt, Unable to concentrate
3. No activities, Severe agitation
4. Somatic delusions, Unable to sleep despite medications

Depressive Stupor: -5

1. Emotional paralysis
2. Accusatory hallucinations
3. Stupor or mute