Recipes from the owner's manual: Chicken with 40 cloves of garlic

From the Owner's Guide to the Rival brand Stoneware Slow Cooker or Crock Pot

2 sprigs fresh thyme
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
2 sprigs fresh sage
2 sprigs Italian parsley
1 (4-lb.) whole broiler/fryer chicken
2 stalks celery cut into 3-inch pieces
40 cloves of garlic, unpeeled
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

It is entirely possible that forty is too many cloves of garlic to season a medium-sized chicken. If you are determined to make this dish, I suggest cooking the bird on high for about 3.5 hours rather than on low for between 8 to 10 hours, as I did. A better suggestion might be to omit the dish altogether.

The return of Mr. Thomas

Stoppable though my blogging skills may be, I have indeed returned for the purpose of publicizing the next appearance of Mr. F.W. Thomas on the Washington D.C. stage. The wildly funny singer songwriter Jonathan Coulton will be in attendance. You may learn about it here.

In addition to plumping the September F.W. Thomas Performances, it may interest you to learn that in October, the evening's doing will be taken over by author, commentator, comedian and actual computing device John Hodgman, as part of his tour for the paper-back installation of his wildly successful almanac and knowledge compendium, The Areas of My Expertise. Click here for a rundown of Mr. Hodgman's tour.

Finally we will catch our breath in November, secure in the knowledge that the coattails of the aforementioned talents will lend both credibility and audience to our timid but sincere efforts, and present another program of homegrown and imported talent the likes of which is rarely, if ever, assembled on a single stage.

Maz Media

It is an event that shall not be repeated in my lifetime. On Thursday, June 16, I published a profile of novelist Andrew Holleran in the Washington City Paper. On the same day, the Washington Post ran a story about the F.W. Thomas Performances.

If it isn't Mister Thomas

Mr. F.W. Thomas (deceased) is making a return appearance at the Warehouse Theater on Monday June 12 at 7:30PM.

See writer Andrew Beaujon, singer and guitar-man Josh McIlvain (aka "The Sex Cop"), FWT artist-in-residence T.M. Lowery and humorist Matthew Summers-Sparks all on a single bill for the criminally low price of $3 (U.S.).

Visit the F.W. Thomas Performances Web site and blog for details.

JC in the DC

The brilliant songwriter and Internet legend (for his acoustic cover of "Baby Got Back") Jonathan Coulton is coming to the area for an early evening gig on Friday May 26 at Jammin Java all the way out in Vienna.

Click here for tickets, and directions to this far-flung venue.

Click here for Jonathan's site.

Click here to listen to "Baby Got Back." You will never be the same again.

I Am a Fantasy Baseball God

Not to tempt the comeuppance Fates, but just to let everyone know, in this, my rookie fantasy baseball season, I am leading my league by an outrageous margin. However, I am hindered by sportsmanship and good taste (and fear of comeuppance and other forms of reciprocity) from crowing directly to my rival managers.

But, like the barber whispering about the donkey's ears of King Midas to a hole in the ground, I feel compelled to tell someone, and damn the consequences.

Mr. Thomas Returns May 15

Second Inaugural

Thank you for your attention. It is time for the Second Inaugural Edition of the F.W. Thomas Performances, being a monthly literary variety show featuring live presentations from area writers, artists and musicians.

The event is being held in the Main Stage at the Warehouse Theater on Monday May 15 at 7:30PM. Admission is $3. The Warehouse Theater is located at 1017-1021 7th Street NW. It is a short walk from the Chinatown/Gallery Place Metro. Phone is 202 783 3933.

The May event will feature:

• Louis Bayard, author of the forthcoming novel, "The Pale Blue Eye," and a contributor of reviews and essays to New York Times, the Washington Post and the Washington City Paper, reading from his new book.
  
  
• A. Clarke Bedford, artist and art conservator at the Hirshhorn Museum, presenting excerpts from "William Tecumseh Sherman & The Venus of Willendorf: The Suburban Years."
  
  
• Frederic Frommer, reporter for the Associated Press and author of "The Washington Nationals: 1859 to Today," discussing the history of Negro League baseball in the nation's capital.
  
  
• T.M. Lowery, F.W. Thomas artist-in-residence and creator of the Skeleton Kids, presenting new work.
  
  
• James S. Rosen, Fox News Correspondent and author of the forthcoming "The Strong Man: John Mitchell, Nixon and Watergate" will reveal for the first time ever, the secret files of the Planet of the Apes.
  

The F.W. Thomas Performances will be hosted and introduced by yours truly, Adam Mazmanian, a writer living in D.C. and a contributor to the Washington City Paper.

Keep tabs on Mr. Thomas with a visit to his blog.